Good afternoon!
Difficult conversations should not always be a dreadful experience.
We frequently overlook the obvious challenge that has made communication the misery of relationships. There are simply too many things to think about. For example, excessively hidden or expressed emotions might escalate a minor disagreement into months or years of hostility.
There is no way to avoid discussions because they are the only way we gain access to other people’s thinking. Avoiding them will cause just as much harm as guessing what other people are thinking.
Many psychologists compared uncomfortable conversations to clutching a hand grenade. You may hold on to an unpinned grenade if you’re afraid of hurting other people’s feelings. Alternatively, you could throw it recklessly without remorse. Regardless of the way you choose to go about this, casualties are inevitable.
If you examine every unpleasant experience you’ve had while having a difficult conversation — such as seeking a raise, giving orders to a disobedient child, terminating a coworker, and so on — you’ll notice that they all follow the same pattern. The amount of power you have in these situations depends on your ability to recognize this pattern.
In today’s email, we will reveal the three conversations embedded in every difficult conversation.
“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”
– Ansel Adams
1. “The What Happened Conversation”
Concerns the first fighting between the parties over the underlying basis of their dispute.
There is a heated or quiet debate on what could have been done better, who is to blame, and what the hidden truth is in every word spoken. Arguing isn’t an issue in and of itself because everyone has a different perspective on things. We debate about the best song on an album or the best color to paint the room, and there’s no way our thoughts won’t collide with others’.
To avoid arguing without thinking, choose to see things from the perspective of others — listen to and grasp their side of the story before reaching your own conclusions. When you adopt this approach, you will see that people are more likely to achieve an agreement when others appreciate and understand their position.
2. “The Feelings Conversation”
Where we dive deeper into our true feelings, decide to hide them, confront them, or expose them.
Feelings are essential to the health of relationships and play a role when two or more individuals want to discuss sensitive matters. While this is self-evident, we typically hide our emotions for fear of becoming vulnerable or hurting others. Those at ease with suppressing their emotions do so at the risk of their relationships.
You must place equal value on your own feelings as you do on the feelings of others.
3. “The Identity Conversation”
An internal debate on the consequences of the disagreement or the outcome of the difficult discussion. In this stage, we examine the impacts of both our words and reactions and those of the second party in the conversation.
We all have unique personalities that we’ve relied on to determine what others think of us and how they perceive us.
There is no such thing as a concept that encompasses your entire personality. You’ve experienced a wide range of emotions that have led you along a distinct path.
As a result, your identity emerges from the diversity of your emotional footprint.
The more you learn yourself, the better your conversations will be, and the better you will feel dealing with difficult conversations.
Keep going!
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